To All The Worthy-Yet-Childless People Out There:

Have you ever felt disadvantaged simply because you haven’t procreated?  Have you ever had to do extra work when a peer disappeared into a junior soccer haze or recital? Have you every suffered through phone conversations between a co-worker and her child that sounded like some demented episode of “Mr. Rogers Neighborhood,” only to have said anguished co-worker give you a back-handed slap by saying how lucky you are not to have kids? All that is about to change.

Yes, friends, there’s now a product made just for you:  The Office Kid.  When you buy  The Office Kid  (tagline: “Who picks up the slack? We do”) you get a framed photo of your fake child and some adorable fake-kid artwork to put up on your wall (drawn by one of the right-handed creators with her left hand). It’s like you had a child – only better!

No diapers to change, no private schools to pay for – just the goodness that comes with the kid guilt you can now foist on your co-workers and your boss.  Imagine the possibilities…

So call 1-800-GET-A-KID  and start leveraging your newfound parenthood today!  And if your [apply air quotes here] “parent/teacher conference” takes place on the designer floor at Saks - or in a movie theatre – who has to know?